You make a beautiful couplet.
You’re both so alike, even your dry skin’s a match.
Soothe those scales with truffled cream — a his-and-her batch.
His three-second rubdowns leave much to be desired.
A couples massage class will get you both reinspired.
That dress shirt you gave him was last year’s gift dud.
Lure it out with custom cuff links for your still-style-free bud.
A sexpot you’re not, but you’ll give it a go.
Back-seamed thigh-highs cue your inner Bardot.
Your dude’s a real sweetie, but a little debauched.
A crosshaired mirror means he’ll always be watched.
His moves of choice: shopping cart and lawn mower.
Five hip-hop lessons later, his David Brent days are over.
Your weekend warrior’s limbs are tighter than a drum.
A body-rolling session should make his IT band hum.
Sweets for your sweet? Back off, our friend.
Salted turtles and cocoa cookies should be shared to the end.
But your true Valentine? Why, that would be yourself.
And such a stunning babe deserves a cocktail ring that’s top-shelf.
Read on for more Valentine’s Day ideas that make us weak in the knees.
Photo: Garry Gay / Getty Images